Happy Birthday, Buddy!
Oh man. I hope the Frankster doesn’t read this blog. Tomorrow is his birthday and while I was visiting my parents over the holidays, I got him the perfect present!
It looks a lot like this:
Only I didn’t want to just buy him one, so a few months back I waited until he was sleeping one night and snuck into his room to measure the circumference of his head. I then bought a coyote pup on the black market (don’t ask, you don’t want to know) and began raising it as my own. Once Terrance was large enough to straddle Frank’s big, beautiful dome, I took him for a walk down to the carcass pit off route 940 where PENDOT throws all the roadkill (it was Terrance’s favorite place to go for walks). When we got to the bottom, I knelt down on one knee and whispered, “See you at the crossroads, Terrance. My boy needs a hat,” before gently dispatching him to the hereafter with a rusty, footlong piece of rebar.
Happy Birthday, big feller.
